Can we just be friends?

In light of recent events I have found myself scrutinizing and questioning and more than likely over analysing.. every single thing.

One thing that I keep coming back to is the whole guy / gal friendship business.

Is it possibly to be platonic friends with the opposite sex? … Real true friends with NO sexual undertones at all?

I honestly think it IS possible, and I have recently been called naive because of my thoughts.. and maybe I am.

But I would like to think that it’s possible, else well, I’m in a world of trouble because I feel I have so many guy friends.. and I know from my side there is 100% nothing underlying there.. maybe there is quips and flirts with some, but I still feel that this is OK and there is nothing more to it.

Am I really living in a naive little bubble over here?

I know there are definitely situations where there is no chance of a guy / gal relationship being platonic, I know there is many of those, for one reason or another our carnal desires cannot keep themselves in check, but on a whole I fell that it’s very possible to be JUST MATES.

I’ve always found myself having a lot more guy friends than girl friends, and when you first meet me this wouldn’t be your first assumption. I am a girly girl, serial lover of beautiful clothes and shoes and make-up and I will never be anything different, but, I just find relationships with guys so much easier – less bullshit, less pretence and on the whole just less MESS. Only in the past few years have I found myself with some really good close girlfriends, some like minded gals who don’t actually DO drama and all the mess that comes along with so many gal to gal friendships.

Since I now find myself back in the saddle of the singledom horse, I guess I should just be a bit more careful..Maybe I shouldn’t be so naive into thinking that we can all just be friends… I just really want to though. It is really just so much simpler that way.

How do you feel on the whole platonic non animal instincts guy / gal friendship business? Am I being completely blind sided?

 

~ Linking in with Jess for IBOT – Scoot over and have a look around the lil community ~

May 7, 2013 - 6:48 am

Aroha - oh hun, how did I miss the whole singledom thing!? massive hugs! as for the question at hand….yes, it is absolutely possible for boys and girls to be “just friends” *I* think, but a guy friend of mine once said it was impossible, and that every girl was just a girl you hadn’t f*%&ed yet! That’s probably men for you! But I think it’s different if a single girl flirts, guys might think they actually have a chance. Come to think of it, they probably think they have a chance even when an attached woman is flirting. Again, MEN! Hope you’re taking care of you xox

May 7, 2013 - 7:04 am

Lydia C. Lee - I think you most definitely can (but perhaps you need to be asking guys – cos maybe it’s one of those things chicks think, that isn’t real).
Can I put out there, that perhaps if you are recently single, you are a little fragile and vunerable and some people capitalize on that – so you might get blindsided…

May 7, 2013 - 7:59 am

Kim-Marie from Kimba Likes - Yes, we can, but it can be tricky getting other people to accept that. I was always accused of flirting with blokes in my younger days. I was simply talking to them because they were funny and better company than their vapid girlfriends. I like blokes. They’re funny and straight forward. Love that!

However, it is different when you’re not “taken” – guys are simple creatures and if I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and was still happily chatting away to my mates, who just happened to be boys, there were a few occasions where it was a little bit awkward.

Mind you, this was all (OH MY GODS!) 20 years ago so maybe older men are smarter men?! We live in hope xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:26 am

Me - I used to have more guy friends than girl friends – for those exact reasons – I always knew where I stood with them, less drama,less messy.
After I met A I seemed to lose touch with most of them but it certainly is a difficult question. I guess what works with one guy may not work with another i.t.o. how platonic it is / you both expect it to be.
Having said that K has heaps of friends who are guys that she has met through work and SES. She is very strong willed and I don’t know if that scares the pants off most guys from getting involved with her !!!
Have a great day and I hope that it works itself out for you.
Me

May 7, 2013 - 9:57 am

Mums Take Five - Yes i am the same always found i had more guy friends than girls and yes it is possible. Some of my male friends i have and have never had any attraction too …. ewwwww
good topic! visiting through IBOT.

May 7, 2013 - 10:50 am

Deb @ home life simplified - I do think you can be platonic friends with the opposite sex quite easily as we all have very different tastes. Very few of the men in my life would ever be someone I would be interested in if I were single. I am able to like them as friends and appreciate their good qualities without anything else there…

Good luck with the singleton waters xx

May 7, 2013 - 12:46 pm

iSophie - I certainly think you can, I guess it does depend on the individual. Plus I suppose you just never know how the other person really feels.

May 7, 2013 - 2:36 pm

Rhianna - I think it is possible for you to just be friends, however I doubt that both parties will both only ever want to be just friends. If that makes sense, which I am thinking it doesn’t. What I mean is that I think the chance of just friendship is there but one party will quite possibly always want more

May 7, 2013 - 3:15 pm

EssentiallyJess - I think it’s possible and growing up I had a lot of guy friends. Having said that, now I don’t make a huge effort to be friends with them, because I’m mariried and I think that would be weird to have another close relationship with a guy. Most of my guy friends are married to my girl friends, and that’s as far as I want the relationship to go.
I would find it weird if Boatman had a lot of chick friends, especially if they were single. I don’t think that’s wise.

May 7, 2013 - 3:22 pm

Kate - I 100% believe it is possible to be “just friends” with a guy. My best friend in the world is a boy and I cant imagine my life without him. We did used to date (when we were 15) and after 2 weeks we decided we were better off as friends. and we have been ever since!

May 7, 2013 - 3:30 pm

Emily @ Have a laugh on me - I have also recently found a group of girls that aren’t into all the bullshit. And blokes are definitely less work. But I do wonder if some men think they could actually pull any women.

May 7, 2013 - 4:57 pm

Janet @ Redland City Living - Is it possible for a guy/gal to just be friends? Honestly – I don’t know. I don’t really want to find out, don’t want to risk it, prefer to stick to my hubster as my one guy friend. But if you’re not married, then you don’t have to worry about that!

May 7, 2013 - 9:15 pm

Cider In The Sun - Lydia – I asked a few guys today and some agree with us and some not.. Very interesting. But you are right, I am reasonably fragile, best watch my steps! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:17 pm

Cider In The Sun - Kim-Marie – hahah men are men they are unlikely to have changed in this 20 years!! However I am the same, I’ve always been better friends with the guys and some people get reallll funny about it. I think as long as my intentions are innocent, that’s all im accountable for…. I hope. Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:18 pm

Josefa @always Josefa - This is a tricky one. I think it can either work really well – or not at all! One of my closest friends (for the past 12 years) is a guy – it works for us. But I have seen other situations with friends where it has not worked at all. Good luck with the new singledom – hugs if needed xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:18 pm

Cider In The Sun - Me (L) – sooo much less mess hahah. K is just like her mummy then!! Very strong willed! It’s hard to know what’s going on in others minds if you think it’s platonic though… Such a grey area! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:19 pm

Cider In The Sun - Mum takes five – yes, I think the same, I have so many guy I ends and it has not even crossed my mind to go any further… The proof is right there!! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:20 pm

Cider In The Sun - Deb – Nailed it. I concur, with every thing you’ve written here. Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:21 pm

Cider In The Sun - iSophie – that’s it isn’t it, you may think you are just mates but then the other person might have feelings and you’d just never even know!! Hmmmm xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:23 pm

Cider In The Sun - Rhianna – I totally get what you are saying and this has been said a few times to me today – I also did an office poll haha. A few people I asked went though their friends of the opposite sex and was like NOPE YEAH MAYBE NOPE HMM MAYBE hahaha xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:24 pm

Cider In The Sun - Jess – I see where you are coming from and I guess you do raise a fair point. I suppose it gets a bit different as you marry and have children.

May 7, 2013 - 9:25 pm

Cider In The Sun - Kate – Yep, similar had happened to me, dated when we were younger and now it’s like a world away and as adults we just would not work but still remain super close friends. X

May 7, 2013 - 9:27 pm

Cider In The Sun - Emily – lol, I am 100% sure many a bloke thinks he can pull any woman..they are a grand ole species hahah. So much less mess with guys, I have double guy friends to girlfriends ratio!

May 7, 2013 - 9:29 pm

Cider In The Sun - Aroha – I didn’t really announce it anywhere, was a little cryptic here and there. It’s ok, life goes on!! I love everyone’s opinions in this though! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:36 pm

Kelly HTandT - Oh Meags, so timely! I’ve always believed in male/female friendships, and I have a lot of male friends. But recently I had a run in with a so called male “friend” who refuses to believe that our friendship should not involve any benefits. Feeling pretty ripped off.
xx

May 8, 2013 - 11:45 am

Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions - It’s an interesting question and I think in the end it comes down to personality. I do have a few guy friends that there would never be anything more with, but that has a lot to do with the fact that I met them after I met my husband and it just wouldn’t ever happen, even if I was single.

However I do think its fairly rare, as whether its ever admitted or not, I think there is often one person in the friendship that has wondered if it could ever be more. I don’t think its a black or white or universal thing, I think its a very individual, personality thing.

May 8, 2013 - 3:36 pm

Shari - I think it’s def up to personalities and I know that I have some friends who just happen to be guys – to me – naively or not, the gender is irrelevant and I like their company for who they are. That said, none are single and all in long term committed relationships/marriages. If I felt for a second there were touchy-feely thoughts happening for a second, I’d be outta there! I think you can be friends with your friends – whether they wear skirts or trousers xx

May 11, 2013 - 9:32 am

The Life of Clare - Reading through this I’ve been thinking back over all my guy friendships. I think it’s possible but only in really specific situations!

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