Love and Attachment

 

 

This weekend I attended a meditation / teaching day course in the city of Melbourne, the title of the course was as above, Love and Attachment. The centre which the course was run through is one that I have been looking into for the past few months. I’d just never taken the actual step to booking and going. What held me back? What usually holds me back…me of course.,

With a few friends by my side it was much less daunting as I really had no idea of what would be going on. Well, let me tell you, I had nothing to worry about what so ever.

There were two sessions of teaching and two sessions of meditation and breaks and lunch in between.

The teachings were held by Gen Kelsang Dornying a Buddhist Monk..I would hazard a guess that he is about 30 and he is from somewhere in the UK. I’ve just tried to google him and there isn’t much out there to be honest. Which is fair enough, he doesn’t need his own Wikipedia page or anything.. anyway….

This guy, Gen Kelsang Dornying, he was just so so inspiring. He just oozed warmth and compassion and wisdom in his words, he had you holding onto every last one.

We had two mediation sessions run by Shell, and they would have been even more beneficial for me, if I hadn’t of just kept FALLING ASLEEP… Think I pulled a muscle in my neck I jolted so hard at one stage. Not the best idea when I’ve been having less than amazing sleep lately. Haha. But, the quiet time inside me was still much needed, and I did get into the meditation, just not for as long as I would have loved.

Gen Kelsang spoke to us about the separation between Love and Attachment and how we as humans don’t generally know how to tell the difference, or if we do, to not HAVE attachments.

Attachments lead to need, need leads to expectations and all of this, if we don’t get it when we want it, leads to suffering.

GK gave a really good analogy which made this make bleeding sense.

‘A woman loves her husband, so very very much, but she gets upset when he goes to work or upset/angry when he has to go away for work (not for any other reason that she NEEDS him). This is because she has an attachment and the love + attachment is creating this negativity for her, as she will spend time and energy being upset. If she just loved him unconditionally and knew that there was no way around the fact he had to go work and didn’t have the attachment that made her upset, she would be ok’

We are all attached to someone, be it partner, or friend, if we still LOVED but removed the attachment we would really be living happier lives.

He didn’t say it would be easy and for some it’s possibly not even achievable, but the thought of wanting no attachment, that’s a start.

He also touched on having no expectations of people, just loving completely and doing things because you want to do them, because you love people. Not doing things because you want the kudos or you want something in return, because if we always do things just for the return of gratification, we are always going to be disappointed.

 

 

Makes sense right ?

It’s so simple, yet so hard to grasp, because we just live our lives, doing what we’ve always done and it’s really hard to just train yourself to not fall into those little (sometimes big) traps.

There were just so many words that hit home and resonated and made me realise how much we are in control of everything around us, starting within.

He made some pretty bold statements which I don’t think any of us were expecting. He said. We are just VISITING, we are just PASSING THROUGH, we are all going to DIE. So therefore attachments are fruitless.

I think there were a few gasps here and there, but hey, it’s the truth isn’t it. None of us have an immortal pass, not that I know of.. Except Edward.. Team Edward always.

No seriously though, his point was that, why wouldn’t we just love unconditionally and not have any attachments, because, in the end, there is just us. We are on this spiritual journey; we will be alone in the end. Whether we like that or not, its true.

So love, and love strongly and truly and passionately and just try to let go of some of those attachments that are just so negatively entwined within all of us.

You cannot control those around you, you can control yourself and your thoughts and feelings and your love and if you can just stay true to that and true to yourself, then you are half way there.

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, there is just so much whizzing around my brain. I was so inspired by his words and I am so happy I can share a little of this with you.

We covered so much more, but those are just a few of the bigger things that I feel were extremely powerful.

If anyone is interested in having more of a chat to me about it or an email, please do that.

I am really passionate about all of the above, and it may have been my first group session but I have been reading about Buddhism and these sessions for quite some time.

I will be returning to more courses and possibly a weekend session as well, which will be so amazing, as they have a temple up in the mountains where the weekend sessions are held. Tranquility, nature, peace, quiet… YES PLEASE!!!

 

~Linking in with Jess for the well loved, IBOT. Read, comment, love.~

May 14, 2013 - 6:48 am

iSophie - A session like that would be really fantastic to participate in, I have never been to anything like it, but would love to give it a try. It does seem to make sense, but it also seems to be a difficult thing to change. I mean, it’s easy to say that you wont have attachment anymore, but in reality I think it would be very hard to change that mindset. And the mountain retreat does sound amazing! #teamIBOT

May 14, 2013 - 7:04 am

Lydia C. Lee - This is really interesting – and I think I need to ponder the attachment thing a little more. It’s a bit like that co-dependency thing.
I have to say, if I’d been there when he started on the death thing, I would have got totally depressed. As an existentialist, I still struggle with it…
If you have that attachment issue, can you really alter the feeling? Intellectually, yes but I wonder if you can in real terms. Is that where all resentment springs from?

May 14, 2013 - 9:30 am

Lyndal - im so glad you went and it was such a powerful and insightful time for you! Its such an interesting topic, none of it is straightforward, which makes it SO meaty! xx

May 14, 2013 - 9:55 am

Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit - Sounds wonderful!

May 14, 2013 - 11:01 am

Me - Oh I wish I lived closer and could have come with you – it sounds like a great weekend experience !!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Have the best day !
Me

May 14, 2013 - 12:01 pm

Becc - It is true, we are transient beings. Accepting that would make life a hell of a lot easier. But acceptance of this is very hard. I have a problem with attachment, I know this and I try to get that acceptance of us visiting, but I haven’t gained it yet.
I guess we have to keep on trying. Love without attachment sounds like a great goal to set oneself 🙂
Becc @ Take Charge Now

May 14, 2013 - 12:11 pm

the_wolf_of_oz - Unconditional Love = A dog.

Seriously.

I agree – we need to love unconditionally and not have expectations (attachements?) in return. That is true love.

Not always easy to do.

Unless you’re a dog.

May 14, 2013 - 1:42 pm

Zanni Louise - Firstly, beautiful blog! This is an area I am interested too. I have never formerly practiced as a buddhist, but I highly value the teachings, and think I have used a few buddhism tools along the way. We learn a lot about attachment from having children. In one respect they teach us about the transition of time, and letting things go. On the other hand, I can’t imagine life without my children, so in a sense I cling tighter than ever. Glad you enjoyed the course. Zanni x

May 14, 2013 - 1:45 pm

Dani @Sand Has No Home - I haven’t done any study into this area at all but a friend once told me to “detach yourself from the outcome”, coming from a Buddhist position, and I have always tried to hold onto that tenet, not that I have always succeeded, but it is good to being myself back, with a breath.

May 14, 2013 - 2:50 pm

EssentiallyJess - Very interesting.
I guess I’m looking at it through a different belief system, but I would argue that we are actually eternal. Whilst our bodies move on, our Spirits live forever, and therefore some relationships will actually have an eternal significance.
I do love the idea of letting go of expectations though. That’s something I’ve been thinking of my self a lot lately, and it’s very liberating

May 15, 2013 - 8:16 am

The Life of Clare - I love this idea, what a beautiful day. I’ve been meaning to do more meditation but I am just forgetful or lazy or something. I’m interested in looking in a Vapassna for the end of the year.

June 3, 2013 - 9:48 am

Pseudyx - I agree with some of what GK said… But I actually want the attachment that comes naturally or habitually with love. I want to feel the pain or loneliness of separation when the girl I love is not with me… Yes its a stress and a pain I can live without, and yes it stems from a dependency on her or on receiving love back from her…

but it helps me to put my own thoughts and feelings into perspective, and it’s what makes her more special than any other person that I may love unconditionally…

I also come from a different belief system, that teaches me that I will not be alone in the end, but the exact opposite, I will be one with all.

I will love and I will attach, and when an attachment is broken, I will hurt. But through pain my heart learns and grows stronger, and through growth I will love again and attach again.

It is true, love without attachment is pure untainted love, and it makes it possible to love “all”, but it is missing something vital, which attachment provides, even if it limits the ability to love “all”.

I would rather have a deep connection with one, you may call it attachment, and to lose that connection would be death of love in itself but life through lesson is gained, than to have unconditional love of many without deep connection, when bonds are broken nothing is lost, but nothing is gained.

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