Love and Attachment

 

 

This weekend I attended a meditation / teaching day course in the city of Melbourne, the title of the course was as above, Love and Attachment. The centre which the course was run through is one that I have been looking into for the past few months. I’d just never taken the actual step to booking and going. What held me back? What usually holds me back…me of course.,

With a few friends by my side it was much less daunting as I really had no idea of what would be going on. Well, let me tell you, I had nothing to worry about what so ever. View full post »

May 14, 2013 - 6:48 am

iSophie - A session like that would be really fantastic to participate in, I have never been to anything like it, but would love to give it a try. It does seem to make sense, but it also seems to be a difficult thing to change. I mean, it’s easy to say that you wont have attachment anymore, but in reality I think it would be very hard to change that mindset. And the mountain retreat does sound amazing! #teamIBOT

May 14, 2013 - 7:04 am

Lydia C. Lee - This is really interesting – and I think I need to ponder the attachment thing a little more. It’s a bit like that co-dependency thing.
I have to say, if I’d been there when he started on the death thing, I would have got totally depressed. As an existentialist, I still struggle with it…
If you have that attachment issue, can you really alter the feeling? Intellectually, yes but I wonder if you can in real terms. Is that where all resentment springs from?

May 14, 2013 - 9:30 am

Lyndal - im so glad you went and it was such a powerful and insightful time for you! Its such an interesting topic, none of it is straightforward, which makes it SO meaty! xx

May 14, 2013 - 9:55 am

Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit - Sounds wonderful!

May 14, 2013 - 11:01 am

Me - Oh I wish I lived closer and could have come with you – it sounds like a great weekend experience !!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Have the best day !
Me

May 14, 2013 - 12:01 pm

Becc - It is true, we are transient beings. Accepting that would make life a hell of a lot easier. But acceptance of this is very hard. I have a problem with attachment, I know this and I try to get that acceptance of us visiting, but I haven’t gained it yet.
I guess we have to keep on trying. Love without attachment sounds like a great goal to set oneself 🙂
Becc @ Take Charge Now

May 14, 2013 - 12:11 pm

the_wolf_of_oz - Unconditional Love = A dog.

Seriously.

I agree – we need to love unconditionally and not have expectations (attachements?) in return. That is true love.

Not always easy to do.

Unless you’re a dog.

May 14, 2013 - 1:42 pm

Zanni Louise - Firstly, beautiful blog! This is an area I am interested too. I have never formerly practiced as a buddhist, but I highly value the teachings, and think I have used a few buddhism tools along the way. We learn a lot about attachment from having children. In one respect they teach us about the transition of time, and letting things go. On the other hand, I can’t imagine life without my children, so in a sense I cling tighter than ever. Glad you enjoyed the course. Zanni x

May 14, 2013 - 1:45 pm

Dani @Sand Has No Home - I haven’t done any study into this area at all but a friend once told me to “detach yourself from the outcome”, coming from a Buddhist position, and I have always tried to hold onto that tenet, not that I have always succeeded, but it is good to being myself back, with a breath.

May 14, 2013 - 2:50 pm

EssentiallyJess - Very interesting.
I guess I’m looking at it through a different belief system, but I would argue that we are actually eternal. Whilst our bodies move on, our Spirits live forever, and therefore some relationships will actually have an eternal significance.
I do love the idea of letting go of expectations though. That’s something I’ve been thinking of my self a lot lately, and it’s very liberating

May 15, 2013 - 8:16 am

The Life of Clare - I love this idea, what a beautiful day. I’ve been meaning to do more meditation but I am just forgetful or lazy or something. I’m interested in looking in a Vapassna for the end of the year.

June 3, 2013 - 9:48 am

Pseudyx - I agree with some of what GK said… But I actually want the attachment that comes naturally or habitually with love. I want to feel the pain or loneliness of separation when the girl I love is not with me… Yes its a stress and a pain I can live without, and yes it stems from a dependency on her or on receiving love back from her…

but it helps me to put my own thoughts and feelings into perspective, and it’s what makes her more special than any other person that I may love unconditionally…

I also come from a different belief system, that teaches me that I will not be alone in the end, but the exact opposite, I will be one with all.

I will love and I will attach, and when an attachment is broken, I will hurt. But through pain my heart learns and grows stronger, and through growth I will love again and attach again.

It is true, love without attachment is pure untainted love, and it makes it possible to love “all”, but it is missing something vital, which attachment provides, even if it limits the ability to love “all”.

I would rather have a deep connection with one, you may call it attachment, and to lose that connection would be death of love in itself but life through lesson is gained, than to have unconditional love of many without deep connection, when bonds are broken nothing is lost, but nothing is gained.

Can we just be friends?

In light of recent events I have found myself scrutinizing and questioning and more than likely over analysing.. every single thing.

One thing that I keep coming back to is the whole guy / gal friendship business.

Is it possibly to be platonic friends with the opposite sex? … Real true friends with NO sexual undertones at all? View full post »

May 7, 2013 - 6:48 am

Aroha - oh hun, how did I miss the whole singledom thing!? massive hugs! as for the question at hand….yes, it is absolutely possible for boys and girls to be “just friends” *I* think, but a guy friend of mine once said it was impossible, and that every girl was just a girl you hadn’t f*%&ed yet! That’s probably men for you! But I think it’s different if a single girl flirts, guys might think they actually have a chance. Come to think of it, they probably think they have a chance even when an attached woman is flirting. Again, MEN! Hope you’re taking care of you xox

May 7, 2013 - 7:04 am

Lydia C. Lee - I think you most definitely can (but perhaps you need to be asking guys – cos maybe it’s one of those things chicks think, that isn’t real).
Can I put out there, that perhaps if you are recently single, you are a little fragile and vunerable and some people capitalize on that – so you might get blindsided…

May 7, 2013 - 7:59 am

Kim-Marie from Kimba Likes - Yes, we can, but it can be tricky getting other people to accept that. I was always accused of flirting with blokes in my younger days. I was simply talking to them because they were funny and better company than their vapid girlfriends. I like blokes. They’re funny and straight forward. Love that!

However, it is different when you’re not “taken” – guys are simple creatures and if I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and was still happily chatting away to my mates, who just happened to be boys, there were a few occasions where it was a little bit awkward.

Mind you, this was all (OH MY GODS!) 20 years ago so maybe older men are smarter men?! We live in hope xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:26 am

Me - I used to have more guy friends than girl friends – for those exact reasons – I always knew where I stood with them, less drama,less messy.
After I met A I seemed to lose touch with most of them but it certainly is a difficult question. I guess what works with one guy may not work with another i.t.o. how platonic it is / you both expect it to be.
Having said that K has heaps of friends who are guys that she has met through work and SES. She is very strong willed and I don’t know if that scares the pants off most guys from getting involved with her !!!
Have a great day and I hope that it works itself out for you.
Me

May 7, 2013 - 9:57 am

Mums Take Five - Yes i am the same always found i had more guy friends than girls and yes it is possible. Some of my male friends i have and have never had any attraction too …. ewwwww
good topic! visiting through IBOT.

May 7, 2013 - 10:50 am

Deb @ home life simplified - I do think you can be platonic friends with the opposite sex quite easily as we all have very different tastes. Very few of the men in my life would ever be someone I would be interested in if I were single. I am able to like them as friends and appreciate their good qualities without anything else there…

Good luck with the singleton waters xx

May 7, 2013 - 12:46 pm

iSophie - I certainly think you can, I guess it does depend on the individual. Plus I suppose you just never know how the other person really feels.

May 7, 2013 - 2:36 pm

Rhianna - I think it is possible for you to just be friends, however I doubt that both parties will both only ever want to be just friends. If that makes sense, which I am thinking it doesn’t. What I mean is that I think the chance of just friendship is there but one party will quite possibly always want more

May 7, 2013 - 3:15 pm

EssentiallyJess - I think it’s possible and growing up I had a lot of guy friends. Having said that, now I don’t make a huge effort to be friends with them, because I’m mariried and I think that would be weird to have another close relationship with a guy. Most of my guy friends are married to my girl friends, and that’s as far as I want the relationship to go.
I would find it weird if Boatman had a lot of chick friends, especially if they were single. I don’t think that’s wise.

May 7, 2013 - 3:22 pm

Kate - I 100% believe it is possible to be “just friends” with a guy. My best friend in the world is a boy and I cant imagine my life without him. We did used to date (when we were 15) and after 2 weeks we decided we were better off as friends. and we have been ever since!

May 7, 2013 - 3:30 pm

Emily @ Have a laugh on me - I have also recently found a group of girls that aren’t into all the bullshit. And blokes are definitely less work. But I do wonder if some men think they could actually pull any women.

May 7, 2013 - 4:57 pm

Janet @ Redland City Living - Is it possible for a guy/gal to just be friends? Honestly – I don’t know. I don’t really want to find out, don’t want to risk it, prefer to stick to my hubster as my one guy friend. But if you’re not married, then you don’t have to worry about that!

May 7, 2013 - 9:15 pm

Cider In The Sun - Lydia – I asked a few guys today and some agree with us and some not.. Very interesting. But you are right, I am reasonably fragile, best watch my steps! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:17 pm

Cider In The Sun - Kim-Marie – hahah men are men they are unlikely to have changed in this 20 years!! However I am the same, I’ve always been better friends with the guys and some people get reallll funny about it. I think as long as my intentions are innocent, that’s all im accountable for…. I hope. Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:18 pm

Josefa @always Josefa - This is a tricky one. I think it can either work really well – or not at all! One of my closest friends (for the past 12 years) is a guy – it works for us. But I have seen other situations with friends where it has not worked at all. Good luck with the new singledom – hugs if needed xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:18 pm

Cider In The Sun - Me (L) – sooo much less mess hahah. K is just like her mummy then!! Very strong willed! It’s hard to know what’s going on in others minds if you think it’s platonic though… Such a grey area! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:19 pm

Cider In The Sun - Mum takes five – yes, I think the same, I have so many guy I ends and it has not even crossed my mind to go any further… The proof is right there!! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:20 pm

Cider In The Sun - Deb – Nailed it. I concur, with every thing you’ve written here. Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:21 pm

Cider In The Sun - iSophie – that’s it isn’t it, you may think you are just mates but then the other person might have feelings and you’d just never even know!! Hmmmm xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:23 pm

Cider In The Sun - Rhianna – I totally get what you are saying and this has been said a few times to me today – I also did an office poll haha. A few people I asked went though their friends of the opposite sex and was like NOPE YEAH MAYBE NOPE HMM MAYBE hahaha xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:24 pm

Cider In The Sun - Jess – I see where you are coming from and I guess you do raise a fair point. I suppose it gets a bit different as you marry and have children.

May 7, 2013 - 9:25 pm

Cider In The Sun - Kate – Yep, similar had happened to me, dated when we were younger and now it’s like a world away and as adults we just would not work but still remain super close friends. X

May 7, 2013 - 9:27 pm

Cider In The Sun - Emily – lol, I am 100% sure many a bloke thinks he can pull any woman..they are a grand ole species hahah. So much less mess with guys, I have double guy friends to girlfriends ratio!

May 7, 2013 - 9:29 pm

Cider In The Sun - Aroha – I didn’t really announce it anywhere, was a little cryptic here and there. It’s ok, life goes on!! I love everyone’s opinions in this though! Xx

May 7, 2013 - 9:36 pm

Kelly HTandT - Oh Meags, so timely! I’ve always believed in male/female friendships, and I have a lot of male friends. But recently I had a run in with a so called male “friend” who refuses to believe that our friendship should not involve any benefits. Feeling pretty ripped off.
xx

May 8, 2013 - 11:45 am

Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions - It’s an interesting question and I think in the end it comes down to personality. I do have a few guy friends that there would never be anything more with, but that has a lot to do with the fact that I met them after I met my husband and it just wouldn’t ever happen, even if I was single.

However I do think its fairly rare, as whether its ever admitted or not, I think there is often one person in the friendship that has wondered if it could ever be more. I don’t think its a black or white or universal thing, I think its a very individual, personality thing.

May 8, 2013 - 3:36 pm

Shari - I think it’s def up to personalities and I know that I have some friends who just happen to be guys – to me – naively or not, the gender is irrelevant and I like their company for who they are. That said, none are single and all in long term committed relationships/marriages. If I felt for a second there were touchy-feely thoughts happening for a second, I’d be outta there! I think you can be friends with your friends – whether they wear skirts or trousers xx

May 11, 2013 - 9:32 am

The Life of Clare - Reading through this I’ve been thinking back over all my guy friendships. I think it’s possible but only in really specific situations!